I’m home. For the first time since the beginning of September, and it feels like it’s been forever. But I guess I need to be prepared for that, considering I’m probably not coming home again until summer… I guess that’s the price I pay for going to school in California—and for growing up.
First of all, it’s freezing here. Really was not prepared for it. My mom told me to “pack light, freeze at night” since it wasn’t going to be exactly easy for me to lug a suitcase around. But literally, I’m freezing at night. Ha ok not literally.
I go to the doctor today, and I’m still a little worried. I have hope that my knee is strong enough to compete bars, but I might be too hopeful. I can’t deal with the disappointment anymore. But regardless of what the doctor says, I will probably be forced to make a decision at some point.
I have never, ever been this good at gymnastics in my life. Last year, I felt like I got this spot on the team because of who I knew, and who I was related to—not because of my skills. And so I worked hard, to prove that I belonged on this team. And in my opinion, I did it. In the last couple months especially, I proved that I was not only good enough to be on the team, but I was good enough to compete for the team. But then I got hurt. Now I’m worried that if I don’t compete this season, I’ll never be the gymnast I was two weeks ago. I’m worried that if I get the surgery now, that I just won’t bounce back like I used to. Especially because it took me two years to really be good again. I’m worried that even if I get my surgery after season, I still won’t make it back to full health in time. But at least if that is the case, I will have had one last season filled with memories that I could never find anywhere else.
Again, one step at a time. I need to see what the doctor(s) says, I need to see what my trainer says, and I need to see what my parents think. In the meantime, I’m just holding strong to the hope that God will protect me and prepare me for whatever His plan may be. Pray that I can keep that hope and attitude.