Thursday, January 19, 2012

Just Another Hurdle

Still officially getting surgery on Friday, I can’t be more excited about seeing my mom tomorrow and getting this ball rolling.  I can’t wait to be healed.  I can’t wait to be fixed.  I can’t wait to do gymnastics again.  Or at least any sort of physical activity.  (Today I broke my previous record and was able to ride the stationary bike for 35 minutes! However, I was on level 1… and still didn’t really break a sweat.)

But today my surgeon, Dr. Cassandra Lee, called me because she took a look at the MRI I had back in December.  This was post-ACL tearing, but pre-meniscus or whatever damage that may have occurred last week.  Apparently, the holes in my leg from the first ACL surgery are larger than usual, or at least than she expected.  If the holes are not in the position that they need to be for this second reconstruction surgery, she may have to go in on Friday, perform a bone graft to fix the holes, then call it a day.  Then three or four months later, after the bone graft is healed, she would perform a second surgery to replace the ACL.  Then, I can begin my ACL rehabilitation.

Dr. Lee won’t know for sure until she goes in on Friday.  Which means that I won’t know for sure, until I wake up from surgery—either with an ACL or not.  I know it’s not productive for me to worry about it, but it doesn’t really change how I feel.  Because now I’m scared.  I’m scared to wake up and have to hear that it’s not fixed yet; that I have to wait even longer; that I have to go in for a fifth surgery.

I feel like I’m not being completely unreasonable, but I’m trying my absolute best not to let it get me down.  I just need to trust my doctor, and trust that through whatever happens, God has a plan—and it will be revealed.  People all day were reminding me about Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  While that has been helpful, and I greatly appreciate it, another verse stood out to me today.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
-1 Corinthians 10:13

It’s not that I actually feel all that “tempted,” but in this verse, I find comfort in the fact that God will not give me more than I can handle.  If it turns out that I need the bone graft surgery first, I believe and I pray, that God will provide me with enough strength to handle it.

1 comment:

  1. "I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."
    - Umberto Eco